Nine One One ------- a Reflection

It has been ten years since that awful day.

I remember that morning vividly, it was a beautiful sunny warm day with immense blue skies.

I remember exactly where I was when I first heard the radio announcer report that a plane had hit one of the Twin tower buildings. I like many others thought it was some small plane, there had been a similar incident sometime just before and I guessed it was a copy cat attempt.

After my meeting I travelled back to my office where I discovered that my manager had rigged a coat hanger to the office television. On those scrambled images I saw terror. I came to two realizations that day, one was that the earth had somehow grown significantly smaller and the other was that I needed to be with my beloved wife and two children. I knew no one in those buildings, or in the Pentagon or in Pennsylvania, but I felt this terrible sense of loss and knew that I needed to be with my family.

My son was 14 and my daughter was 10 and I knew that I needed to be with them on this horrible day. I needed to be there to assure them that in spite of the horrors that they would see portrayed on our television screen and in just about all media, that hope was not lost.

Evil does exist and it was demonstrated by Islamic terrorists that day and has been repeated since. But even those who would decry peace and a different way of life cannot destroy hope. I needed to tell my children that, I wanted them to know that what we believe is greater than the evil that was foisted upon the almost 3000 people that day. I wanted them to be reminded that the hope we believe in and have is built on love, patience, kindness, long suffering not on forcibly pushing beliefs on another person.

And I wanted to remind them about forgiveness. The forgiveness that would cause them to pray for the people who orchestrated these attacks because hatred cannot be held in ones heart if they are praying for a blessing upon someone else, even if they have caused a rain of jet fuel on innocent people.

The world has indeed become smaller, fear is greater but hope is not lost. Since that day ten years ago visions of service have been spoken into the lives of my children. They want to serve the people of this world to attempt to improve the lives of as many people as they can touch. One is training to be a Nurse and the other is a Pastor. They both want to serve people who have been disadvantaged. They care not for the colour of skin, social background or affinity to beliefs. They serve out of the hope that they have discovered and the grace of forgiveness that they know.

As I reflect, I too have learned to hope, to seek and grant forgiveness and hopefully to serve.

I have had numerous teachers whose lives demonstrated both hope and forgiveness. Certainly one was Jesus who taught us to "turn the other cheek" literally and figuratively who also said "do good to those who hate you" and "do to others as you would have them do to you".  Another was a precious woman who could have been my mother who publicly forgave and comforted the man who murdered her daughter. Why? Because she loved Jesus more than she loved hatred.

I have made numerous mistakes over my lifetime. I trust that as I try to live my life in light of what I believe and because of the example of the lives of others that I will become better at becoming what I say I am.

Jesus also said: "Forgive others and you will be forgiven".

I trust that if I have said or done anything to hurt that you will forgive me. Hatred cannot continue, hope must rise even as the new buildings have begun to rise from the ashes of the terrorist attacks and the grace of forgiveness must permeate what we say and do. Otherwise we become like them, lives based on hatred and ignorance.

I'm the other woman

No, I am not considering reassignment surgery.

Sadly, I saw that on a bumper sticker recently.

What has happened in the world of right and wrong. I realize that it has always been there, the line between right and wrong, but it has become more and more blurry.

Why would someone trumpet themselves as being the person who broke up a family, who committed adultery(isn't that wrong anymore?) and potentially devastated a family and children?

Yeah I remember "Me and Mrs Jones" and numerous other songs that talked about things like "if loving you is wrong I don't wanna be right".

I am not a prude and I am neither foolish enough to think that these things are new. I do believe in a right and a wrong and I do believe that there is a standard and that all are called to live according to this standard.

If we choose not to we will be called to account, never mind the future accountability though we should be concerned with the collateral damage that occurs in the lives of loved ones and especially children.

Still on holidays

I had a work friend (I said had as he has since passed away) who refused to say the work "holidays" as it was based on the word "holy" and he wanted nothing to do with anything "holy". He would rather use the word vacation that reference anything that is holy.

Pretty sad when you think about it, he has moved from this world to the next and has already met a "holy" God. Presumably the one whom he refused to believe in or talk about when taking some rest from work.

I have spent some time thinking and resting and mostly reading. I have done some cycling, but certainly not as much as I had hoped. That's just the way it is I guess, holidays don't always turn out the way we want them to.

By peeking at my bberry, I see that the work is already pouring in in anticipation of my return, at least I won't be bored the next few weeks.

Summertime and the livin's easy

That's an amazing song from an old musical entitled Porgy and Bess, made famous by the great Ella Fitzgerald and equally famous by Jani Joplin. Sadly, this post is not about the song, but happily about the feeling.

I am on holidays and the livin is easy. No, the fish are not jumping, but I am certainly chilling. This is what summer holidays is supposed to be about. It's quiet in the house, the only sounds are those of my fingers tapping on the unreal keyboard and the faraway voices of neighbors, intertwined with the sounds of cars moving slowly down the street.

Today will be filled with some reading, I have a new "old friend" by the name of Bilbo Baggins to keep me company and "The Hobbit" will be my reading partner for the rest of this week. I will also be venturing out to do more riding hoping to get to Burlington or NOTL for the wine trail.

I finally feel like I'm on holidays, it has taken three days to get to this place and I am enjoying it. Now there are still 7 days left to fill with enjoyable tasks, summertime and the livin's easy, preach it Gershwin.

Just finished a book, feels like I am missing a good friend

I just finished reading the "dragon tattoo" trilogy for the second time. I read them last summer while recovering from surgery and missed a lot of detail due to the drugs.

This time I got a lot more from them. Yes, they are vile and violent and not books that I would suggest those who have sensible brains read.

Having said that, I was impressed with the writers skill and the explosiveness of the stories. The characters were so well developed and seemed almost real. That's what is bothering me, I feel as though I am missing a friend.

I don't often feel this way after finishing a book, in fact this is the first time that I have encountered these feelings. I may pick them up again in the future and I am planning on seeing the Swedish versions of the films.

Farewell for now, Lisbeth and Kalle.

What do you regret?

I just read an article about regret.

Immediately the words from a song came to my head "regrets, I've had a few but then again too few to mention". No, the song was not written by Frank Sinatra, but rather by a Canadian by the name of Paul Anka

I wonder what he was thinking about when he wrote that song? Did he really only have a few regrets, though too few to mention. Mind you, he did it his way, that's either super confident or selfish or maybe they are not mutually exclusive.

But back to the question: do you regret anything? Have you ever even thought about things and wondered how life might have been if you had done something different. I have a bad habit of thinking about how things might have been different if I had done some things differently.

Regrets, you bet. I look back and see some collateral damage that I have caused over the years. If things were in some way different then maybe I could have or would have acted different. Cryptic? Yes in some ways. How much better a father and husband would I have been? No one can know for sure, but I have more than a few regrets and most days cannot seem to figure out how or what to do now.

I cannot stay at this place, so I have to carry on, regardless of how I feel or remember.

Press on was Sr. Isaac Brocks message and I will do the same.

The riding has begun

I am a blessed man.

Today is Canada day, I Live in the greatest country in the world. I recently celebrated my 30th wedding anniversary, I also recently celebrated my 25th anniversary at one employer, this past Fathers day was my 24th and to celebrate it, my beloved gave me a bike.

It's a hybrid bike made by a company called specialized. I bought it at "East side sports" in Kitchener and a huge shout out to Kelli and the gang at East Side for their amazing customer service, care and professionalism.

So, as the title says, the riding has begun. I plan on keeping this up and building the number of miles I ride gradually over the next few weeks. Today I rode 8 kms that's about 5 miles for my American friends. This riding business is all part of my drive to being well.

I want to be well and I want to live longer and I can affect that by taking care of what I eat and how much I exercise.

Happy Canada Day, the best country in the world is where I have been blessed to live since 1969 and I love it here.

I'll update you on my riding progress. I ride on mostly flat surfaces, no crazy trails for us. I plan on riding as much as possible with my beloved it's a great opportunity for us to get out, get active and spend time together in the beautiful creation around where we live.

Keep the wheels turning.

Summer Solstice

The longest day based solely on the amount of hours of expected sunshine. It's a good thing it's not cloudy, yet. But what does it all mean? We are already beginning the downward flight to the Winter Solstice, it's six months to Christmas.

Summer has yet to begin and I'm already thinking about the dark dreary days of winter. Pretty sad, but it's a reality. I can almost see time fly. Someone said that time flies when you're having fun, not true. Time flies no matter what, it just seems to move faster through the pleasureable times.

So what? Is there something I can do about it? I don't think so, I just have to grin and bear it and this too shall pass.

I think I have used all the useless adages in one post today.

I think I need a break. A weeks vacation is coming in a week and a half and it's time to refresh and recharge the batteries. I'm feeling worn out, can you tell? that quote from Bilbo in the Lord of the Rings seems to express it best: "I feel like butter spread over too uch bread"

He said he felt "thin" an interesting comment from a hobbit, a class of people who are never thin, unless of course you are Gollum, who wasn't a real hobbit.

Talk about spiderwebbing. I seem to have covered much ground in talking about the summer solstice. Enjoy the sun, apparently it's to rain fornthe next four days.

and suddenly there isn't much time left

"You walk around feeling like a teenager and immortal your whole life and suddenly there isn't much time left"

I just read that quote in "The girl who kicked the hornet's nest". Lately I've been thinking about being on the wrong side of the hill. I'm not sure I am over it yet, the hill that is, but my best before date is drawing closer. I'm not being morbid or even maudlin, but realistic. I'm getting older. My children are getting older, one has left the nest, the other is preparing to do so.

This begs the question: what next? What is in store for me for the remainder of my life? What do I have planned? Not much actually. I need to keep working at least for 5-6 more years and then what? What can I do to impact this world in a positive sense? What does God want from me in order to impact this world? There has to be more than retirement planning, vacations, personal enjoyment, sitting and wasting away, doesn't there?

It's time to start seriously thinking about what time I have left. Just yesterday I spent time with the parents of my beloved who are both starting to tire. After that we spent time with some old friends, one of whom is fighting cancer. They too are starting to tire.

What is there for me to do?

With my skills what can I do to expand the Kingdom of God before I am called away from here?

What can I do to improve the lives of others before my best before time expires?

Who would have thought that a book filled with amazing characters and horrible sin would challenge me to look at my life in a different way? Amazing eh?

"and suddenly there isn't much time left"

How true!

Pre-fathers day thoughts

I had a serendipitous event today.

I ran into the sister of one of my closest friends from high school. After chatting I went to visit the parents of my friend.

Sadly, I learned that one of these fine folk is suffering from cancer. Almost a year ago that damned disease took someone from me. More and more will succumb to this dreaded disease because we live in a fallen world. All the research and fundraising will do nothing to eliminate this disease.

What was serendipitous then? We have not seen these people in such a long time. We shared where our lives have taken us in the last few years and we shared how our children our planning their lives to serve others. We shared our faith through the stories of our life experiences and we opened some doors and discussions that might allow us to develop deeper bonds before the dreaded disease takes our friend.

Sometimes life stinks. Sometimes it provides the impetus to deal with what really matters. There is more to life than death. I noticed a sign the other "it doesn't take courage to face death it takes courage to face life".

When it stinks we just have to have courage to face it. In all the joy of memories I was reminded by my friend to face life with all the courage that I can muster.

Are you facing it today.

Tomorrow is "fathers day", a day set apart for dads everywhere to get a new tie and to be feted by his wife and children. As a dad I want to face life with courage and integrity. In that way I hope to leave a legacy for my children and for others too.

Happy Fathers day to all the dads.

A celebration of two milestones.

That's milestones, not mill stones.

Recently, we headed south to the good old sunshine state. We have not been there since the children were much younger. We decided that a holiday was much needed and since we did not head further south this winter, O Cuba I missed you, my beloved in her usual way found us an amazing holiday at an even better deal. This amazing woman of Dutch descent has made it a practice to find us the best holiday and the best price. Suffice it to say that she found us a great deal. We had a great time in the pool and everywhere else. We are already planning next years trip.

Oh yes, the milestones. On April 4/11 my beloved and I celebrated 30 years of married bliss.  Now truthfully no one has ever had a marriage that was perfect and our is not. However, over the years we have learned that two key factors are necessary to make a marriage work: they are Love and Respect. They are based on the biblical directive that a "husband should love his wife and a wife should respect her husband".

We have learned that these two make a marriage much better. We are thankful for the amount of time we have had together and we remain best friends as well as lovers and never strangers. We have also learned that communication is not the key to marriage, understanding is.

The other milestone is that while we were in Florida I celebrated my 25th anniversary of working for the Crown Corporation that is under the auspices of the Ontario Ministry of Labour. Twenty-five years of doing pretty much the same job is a long time. I love my job and enjoy getting up every a.m. to attempt to meet the challenges that are presented to me.

I have much to be thankful for. These are not millstones. Sadly some people see their marriage and their jobs as such. It can be so much better, trust me. It's based on our attitude. We need to have an attitude of servanthood rather than one of authority.

Happy May 24/11 weekend. I wish I was sitting in Lakeside Park as the RUSH song says:

"sitting in the sand to watch the fireworks display" 

Sadly, those days are gone, but the dreams and the memories live on forever.

Is celebrating a death ok?

Over the past days I have heard much about the death of Bin Laden.

Much has disgusted me. Much about him, if not all disgusted me also. He was responsible for the deaths of many, probably not just on 9/11.

I recall video of him celebrating the "successes" of the 19 hijackers and I was shaken by the morbid happiness demonstrated by himself and his co-conspirators.

Now we see many celebrating his death. Are these no different than him?

Where have we come to when we supposedly intelligent and free people are celebrating the death of another human being? Are we, therefore, no better than he? None of us may wear the mantle of perfection, for all have sinned and have fallen short of the Glory of God.

What is next, gladiatorial games. It's not that far a stretch. One of ours against one of yours for all the marbles. When will we begin to adhere to teaching that implores to "love your enemies" and "do good to those who hurt you"? 

Is this what we want our children to see and learn and do? Celebrating and chanting at the death of one we hate, how much different is this from the early 1930's style propaganda? Look what that gave us.

Interesting that both Hitler and Bin Laden dies on the same day. Part of Obama's re-election plan, I wonder!

Bin Laden, like all of us will stand before our Maker one day. He is the Judge and vengeance is His alone. We too may be found guilty of our crimes but will any be found fit to stand at a time when every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord of all. There will be no celebrating then, there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth unless a satisfactory substitute for our death is provided.

Where have all the Heroes gone?

Back in the 60's or early 70's there was a song which whined "where have all the flowers gone" I guess it was the death knell of the hippie era, they all went to San Francisco, I guess.

More importantly, I wonder where have all the heroes gone? Of course, I would also include the heroines.

Where are the moral, upright people who stand for good? Where are the athletes who decry the need for drugs to accomplish great feats of athletic accomplishment? Where are the musicians who write amazing and beautiful life altering music that will stand the test of time beyond the next weeks top ten? Where are the politicians who stand for the good and openly stand against that which is clearly evil?

Where are you and I when there is a need and no one else is available to meet the need? We can all be a hero to someone. All we have to do is choose to do the right thing. Step up and speak for something or step up and speak against something that is clearly wrong.

Enough of the cheesy songs about the hero. Now is the time to be one, even if it is just for your kids. Heaven knows they need one these days. Be a hero and love and respect your spouse. You will raise them in an environment that is not perfect, but one that is seeking to teach them the right way. They need and deserve a hero. That one or hopefully two people who will stand for the good and stand against the evil, yes there is evil out there and we can do something about it.

Choose today who you will serve as a hero, so what's it gonna be? Sit and do nothing or rise and be a hero?

I wish you many successes.

I hate philly and boston

Well, this will be fun.

I hate Philly and Boston, the hockey teams, that is.

I've been accused of having a strictly minor hockey mentality when it comes to hockey these days. I tend to think it's slightly more than that.

I believe that good physical contact is part of hockey, I also think that the style perpetrated by the Flyers and Bruins has nothing to do with hockey and more to do with punishment. Of course, punishment for their bad or illegal behaviour was not meted out by the leadership of the hockey league.

Where does this leave us? We get to watch them assault and otherwise beat the living &%$* out of each other so much that the "winner" will be destroyed by Washington in the next round.

I guess that's why they say that payback is such a good thing, eh!

Easter Monday and I have a day off and I have a few questions.

In these times where anything related to being Christian is considered unacceptable some of us still have a day off for Easter Monday.

I am sitting in my office at home, light streaming through the blinds, beautiful music playing while the birds about outside and I wonder why?

Why is it that a faith that teaches to "turn the other cheek", to "go the extra mile", that preaches the equality of men and women and so many more positive attributes is denigrated by so many so called wise people?

Why is it that a relationship that teaches us to love our enemies is unacceptable in this society of acceptability. Everything it seems is acceptable, except the faith in one who died for others, not Himself.

Why is it that it a faith that teaches husbands to love their wives to the point of dying for her is put down as being misogynistic?

Why is it that the foolishness of mankind is touted as wisdom?

I wonder, this Easter, is it because of a lack of willingness to bend the knee to someone greater and more powerful that anything ever considered. This someone who loved all of us so much that He came and willingly parted with human life in such a horrible fashion to "prove" His love?

Has this world become so dependent upon itself that it has become blinded to truth?

Why?

Never mind the why, what am I doing about it? I have been given marching orders to go and preach the gospel. Gospel means "good news". I have the good news that someone, a person, God, loves all of us so much more than we can imagine and He wants a relationship with me and each and every one of us. He is even willing to forgive us. Yes we all need forgiveness because each and every one of us has sinned. Yes I said sin! No one is exempted from this affliction and no one is exempted from the remedy for this affliction.

This same Jesus who loves me, loves you and wants that same relationship with you. In the words from a new favourite song of mine,

"He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind of his mercy...............and I realize just how beautiful you are and great your affections are for me"

Happy Easter

Am I standing in a hole?

Nice one, wannabeergo!

And to be honest, I am not in a hole, but I happen to be the shortest one in my family.

Thanks for the kind comments, we do not have a lot of family photos and now that we have children in North Carolina and one going to Virginia this fall it might be a little more difficult to get a family photo.

It's great being part of a family. It's a place to belong. When sometimes all seems to be going wrong, there is always my family to come home to. A place where love and respect are always practiced, or at least attempted and being worked on.

It's sad to think of the people who have no family. Like those who may be all alone due to their own decisions or because of the decisions of others. Having just come through the Easter season we should have been reminded to bring hope to all others based on what Christ has done for us.

I have so much to be thankful for, not the least for my family.

So, while I am not standing in a hole, I am with the ones I love. Thanks for noticing us wannabeergo, I appreciate your friendship. I consider you as a brother, so you're family too and you're taller than me too!

Thirty years and counting

Just this past Monday, my beloved and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary.

It's hard to believe that we have been married for that long. We actually met in 1975 and began dating about a year and a half later. She has given me great joy for all these years. She has stood beside me to support me through everything we have experienced. There have been many wonderful experiences and there have been some very difficult experiences. We have lost family members and friends to death, we have struggled as every couple struggles. Yet, she has stood there as the song says: "stand by your man".

Back in 1981 we stood before God, our family and friends and committed to love, honour and respect each other. To date, we have worked hard at learning to be loving and respectful and with God's help we have more than survived these 30 years, we have thrived and grown in our love and respect for each other.

I am a very fortunate man to have known, courted, loved, married and lived with this amazing person for these years. I have been blessed to have her stand by me especially when I have failed. She is a Proverbs 31 woman and is the epitome of grace when it comes to how she treats me. She loves, respects and defends me. There is a saying that states" "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" but I prefer to say that there is no fury like the fury my beloved displays when she feels that I or one of our children have been attacked unjustly. Heaven will need to help the one who attacks us. That may be their only recourse.

And yet, she forgives.

My only wish is for as many more years that the Lord will give us.

Some timely changes, it's time to move on

It has been some time again since I have had, made or taken the time to write.

To say that I have been overwhelmed is a gross understatement. I have made some timely decisions that have probably added years to my life. I cannot think of a time in my life when I have felt so oppressed and from so many sides. I have regularly said that I have had too many balls in the air and I am no juggler. So, it is time to let a few drop and to stop trying to do things that I cannot do, at least at the present.

I need to move forward. I often use the phrase in my job that one of my responsibilities is to help people move forward. I need to heed to that for myself. There are numerous issues that have been holding me stuck and in some senses holding me back.

So, in making changes to the blog, I am also making changes in my life. I have decided to return to a job that I loved and left in the anticipation of something new and more exciting. The new job was definitely new and exciting, but given the demands in my life, this is no time to be walking a very steep learning curve, that is more mountain than curve.

I also realized that as much as I miss my friend Ruth, I cannot bring her back. The things that have been added to our lives subsequent to her death have been monumental. No matter what I feel and no matter the depth of my grief, I cannot continue to live in the past. I must lead my family from a position of faith and strength that demonstrates love and respect to them first. In doing so, I will serve my God as He commands.

I have been lax in performing my daily personal devotional activities since Nov.8/10. One change will be to continue to return to those things that will help me grow and presumable become a better person based on the influx of spiritual wisdom that comes from a relationship with the One who loves me more than anyone else.

So, look to this forum for some more regular comments, it's time to move on, I'm getting better.

Broken and restored

I have not posted in some time because I just haven't been able to. It felt like my insides were all bunched up and nothing was able to come out. Then, this past weekend happened. It was supposed to be a time for me to visit my son at his internship in North Carolina, a time to hear a new song he had written and recorded and played first at the church.

But God had different plans for me. My sons song was/is amazing, but my purpose for being there was for God to break through some of the defences I have built for years. Why I wouldn't let this happen in my church is too easy to answer, pride.

So, there I was with my son, at two services. When I heard him play his song I was a proud papa. I enjoyed everything that morning until the team played a song I had never heard. As I heard it in the first service I felt something breaking, but in my pride I hung on. "This would definitely not be the place to break down would it", I said to myself? The second service(very much like the first started, his song was second, again. The pastor preached the same message, with some changes. Then God broke me. That may not be correct grammar, but that is what happened.

I was introduced to a song by John Mark Mcmillan called "How He loves" and for the second time I felt this breaking inside. I started to cry and couldn't stop. I knew that I needed to repair a relationship and the people I needed to talk to were sitting right beside me, what a coincidence, not! Now, I play this song and I cry every time. There is a powerful story to this song, the writer tells of the accidental death of a close friend and the anger he experienced. But, he also speaks of the knowledge that God still loves us, no matter the circumstances of our lives. And even when we are mad at Him, He still loves us.



So, that surprise visit to my son (he did know I was coming) has turned into a huge weekend of passion for God and restoration. Who knew?