Josh and Caleigh singing

I listened tonight to Josh and Caleigh (another member of the team he sings with at school) sing together for the first time on Skype. They have a great opportunity to participate in a worship experience tomorrow (I guess it's tonight now). She regularly sings with a travelling team from the school and they are now placed together to sing.

They sound great together. They were having fun, laughing, singing just hanging out and we had the opportunity to hear them practice and sing together. It was fun.

Be still and know that I am God

I am tired. I have had the opportunity to be sick in the past, but this one takes the cake. I have never felt this way and am struggling with the amount of time that I have been sick. I am very thankful that I have an employer who has been more than accommodating for the last 12 working days, and since it is now Wednesday, it will be 13 today. I don't know if it's h1n1, no one has tested me for it. I had all the right symptoms at the beginning and now am struggling with the remaining ones, fatigue and exhaustion and sometimes they feel like the same thing. Are they the same thing?

I am plodding along filling my system with steroids (21 days in total) knowing clearly what that is doing to my bones and who knows what else as well as two courses of antibiotics that will last approximately 24 days. But here's the rub, I awake and feel great. I mean like a beautiful sunny morning great and looking to enjoy the day. By the time I have completed my morning ablutions and gotten dressed, I am so tired that my entire upper body feels like it is shaking inside, what's with that?

So, like I said, I am tired. Frustrated doesn't even express how I feel being stuck here all day. My only escape is to take my daughter to work, get my timmies (which usually takes me several hours to drink) and then go and pick her up at the end of her shift.

I am preparing for my small group lessons, and my Sunday school lessons so I have something to do and they are completed, almost. Interestingly, this weeks small group lesson talks about having tribulations (that would be difficulties) and how important our attitude is to be when we experience and endure them.

I needed this lesson. It says, "count it all joy". Four words starting with count, probably meaning to "add" the benefit or learning opportunity of the circumstance to my experience. It refers to the experience itself. All, well that means every portion of this experience. Joy, meaning contentment not necessarily happiness.

And there it is, I am to be content in my experience no matter what. So, yes I am tired of this, I will be content to learn from the down time. I am ill, I will learn once again what it means to get better and to allow others the privilege to serve me. I will trust them as they treat me with kindnesses as I recover. I will seek out the benefit of just stopping and being.

"Be still and know that I am God" rings quietly in my mind. I do know, but I have not been still in a long time. I have been busy consuming time and fitting people in. I make appointments and fill my time so that there is no time for listening. I listened today.

Tuesday Musings # 60

Happy Tuesday everyone

I'm usually a patient person. I am not a patient patient. I get frustrated with the lack of progress if I am in a medical situation. I want to get better now, if not sooner. I have known this for some time and yet the key to changing is the issue itself.

I have spent 8 or 9 days on this sick train. Certainly no party. It seems that whatever this "thing" is , it rips the energy out of you after very little activity. I discovered it again yesterday. I planned a day off with my daughter to celebrate her birthday. Thinking I was off on a day like any normal day off, we did the following: we got the car washed (by someone else), we went for a coffee (I still prefer timmies) and bought a book and a video. By the end of this two hour tour, I was done in.

Today and any day if you get this thing, take the time to rest, get better, rest again and then maybe recovery will come. If not, abandon hope all ye who enter here. No rest, no recovery.

Happy Birthday Baby

My baby girl (she won't be impressed) turns 19 today.

A momentous occasion that has already been busy with breakfast in bed (a Smyth tradition) and an early wake up phone call from from her brother. She and her Daddy will spend the morning going for coffee and maybe a few more surprises.

Looking back and looking forward is interesting. I remember so much. I am anticipating so much for her. She was born on a Friday, and decided to join us in the early evening. She has not been a morning person, from the start.

The future looks interesting, as much as we can envision for her. We don't know what will happen tomorrow, never mind the next day or month or.............. well you get it right?

When she was born, she asked God to take he and bless her and then we gave her back to Him. She belongs to Him first as does all that we own. What He chooses to do is up to Him. If we suffer the recent difficulty that some we know have, then he will carry us. If we suffer little and life for our daughter has everything and the picket fence, then we will accept that too.

Somehow, I think she will be all over the place serving and helping people less fortunate than she is and wanting to help them in some way. The years show what she has been called to.

Happy Birthday Baby.

A Hug

I received a hug this morning. A simple gesture from a new friend, a man who went beyond his normal experience to bring me the warmth of human love. I needed the hug, the warmth and the understanding from someone besides my beloved. She would give anything to bring me joy.

This hug was different. It came from a man who understands me. Those are few are far between. There are friends who hug and one knows the comfort is not there, there are those who hug because it is the right thing to do in the circumstance and then there are those who use this gentle embrace as a means to transcend all and just love.

Funny, we barely know each other having spent some time together over the last few years and not "opening up" but we really know each other and listen and even hear. This gift is priceless and rare and I have just had the privilege of being showered with the enveloping of warmth and love by him.

Thanks

Saturday almost silent

It's Saturday, it's sunny and almost silent.

I love Saturdays. I like the rest before the "day of rest" which is never a day of rest anymore. Saturdays have lately been reserved for my beloved and I to do the shopping, maybe a sandwich from Vincenzos and a coffee (hot chocolate for me) from the 'bucks. Today, it's just rest. No cooking, cleaning or anything. Sit and read, listen. Of course, by pressing play I realize that the silent nature of this idyll will soon be gone, but what will the sounds bring.

Currently it is Matt Redman, a prophet of sorts I guess. I consider some musicians to have special abilities to communicate important messages well and timely. It's been quite a week. You know there are people out there whose picture shows up in the dictionary depending on what you are looking for. I'll explain. I was in great need of a specialized service yesterday. I have actually needed this service for some time and in my need I called the one person who I depend on for this amazing service. There was Mrs. C. tools in hand, smiling face, jocular as always, amazing listening ears, kitchen bereft of cookies, but there was flour waiting to be made into something special, and there she was just waiting to help me in my time of need.

A servant, definitely. Honest as the day is long having within her the integrity required for all and serving in so many ways. Mary or Martha who has the greater responsibility? Who has the greater benefit?

So, as the music changes to "once upon a time...storybook love" by Knopfler, gentle melodies stream around me as the simple strains of a guitar fill the room. Memories of the movie and all the players stream past as I think of the many times we have enjoyed this together. Simple memories are the best. there are big bold memories trying to stomp into view, but I prefer the memory of the three of us sitting on that old yellow couch watching, listening, protecting and smiling then laughing then celebrating as good always wins over evil. My beloved has never been a fan of the movie but probably has more joy of the memory of the rest of us watching anyway.

"Horizons" is playing now. Most will not recognize unless prog rock is a favourite or you are learning to play it for your fathers enjoyment. There are more sounds now, the noon horn has sounded. Cars travel up and down the busy road, a sort of "short cut" from the north to the south of town. Country music is spilling from the kitchen, my baby girl (soon to be 19) is entertaining and cooking.

Time for this moment of silence to end with some rest.

First snow

I saw my first snow flakes of this season today.

They didn't live long, they were merely floating menacingly across the window as I looked out. A portent of what's to come, of course. I don't like winter, I don't like the cold, grey, drab days that seem to last forever. I miss the light of spring and summer and even the last vestiges of fall. It seems that the leaves have hurried away quickly this year. Maybe they know something we don't know, if leaves actually "know" anything. They don't of course, to impute the ability to know on a leaf is somewhat heretical and idiotic.

Thanks to a modern tool I have not injured anything doing the leaves this year. We bought a vacuum/blower thingy that helped and was kinda fun. I can't get rid of the snow with that, though.

As each day passes, the brevity of life weighs heavier on me. I am more than half way through this journey (there's no way this body even with the extra metal and plastic parts is gonna last 'til 104) and I wonder what have I done to benefit someone else? Have I done all that I can to make this world a better place for the people I love and for my neighbour?

Hmm, who would have thought that a few snow flakes would make me think like that? I guess being sick and having to rest is a good thing. Every once in a while I need to stop and get off this crazy wheel called work and listen. As I type (poorly), I hear the rustling of the pages in the book my beloved is reading, I hear the buzz from the ignored phone/communication tool as it silently screams at me to check the latest demands. I hear the wind in the trees whining as it moves along the way. I hear the buzzing in my ears from the silence.

This time of year is birthday time for some in my family. My baby will be nineteen(by the way, why do we say we "turn" 19, or 52) in a few days. My sister's birthday follows hers and then it is my turn to celebrate another years passing and look towards the future of another year approaching.

I also hear God..................saying.......peace......stop fearing.............be still..........I am..............

51 days to Christmas

51 days to Christmas. Yup, that's what the little app on my ipod says.

51 days to go. I just booked my son's flight to come home and looked at the app and there it was in all of it's Dick Butkus glory, 51.

As much as I have begun to dread (or even hate) winter, snow, ice, slush, and all the wet stuff, I love Christmas. And in my world, it is not "the holidays" I am so sick of the homogenization of so many things, especially those that in some way reflect on the Christian experience. call it Kwanzaa for all persons of African origins sake and the rest of us. Call it Hanukkah for all my Jewish friends and family and for Christians sake call it Christmas. that's what we celebrate and if you celebrate something else, then I wish you the best in whatever it is that makes your heart and the rest of you glow.

Don't try to take away my enjoyment by wishing me a happy holidays so as not to insult someone else, what a load of crap. Most normal people really don't care if you celebrate or not, and if you do, they don't care what it is that you celebrate. It is some close minded persons who think they can think for everyone else by saying Christmas is not acceptable because it excludes. If anything Christmas includes and welcomes all to worship the new born King. the next time He comes it's gonna be different and just as Dr. John says there;'s gonna be a reckoning.

One last thing, if you don't like Christmas, let's see you go to work on the afternoon of the 24 and all day on the 25th. Never mind easter weekend, oh no I am entitled to those stats. Give me a break. Hmm why do they take those days off anyway?

Hope for Bastion #5

Good morning, the weather here is chilly, except from where I sit bundles in sweatshirts and sweatpants. In Guayaquil it is 23 but feels like 29 and will reach 35 which will probably feel like 35 yikes.

he work in Ecuador to reach the underprivileged continues. The last time we heard from Nikki she was doing well and just getting to see some old friends again as she had just arrived. She had not yet seen all the children that she knows. She will be excited to know that two more children will be attending school and more money will come in to care for their needs.

Just like the proverbial inchworm who moves through his paces ever so slowly, it appears that the care for these children only moves so slowly. I can't understand why? Why aren't people lining up instead of lining up in shopping lines for things they don't need or may throw out. Why do we sit on stuff that if sold would feed so many children. Why do some have more cars in their driveways than they have drivers. What are they doing to help these children or any children?

I am frustrated, probably a cast off from the flu, but there has to be more that can be done. If you want a good feed and a great movie, come to Woodside church on Nov.14/09 where some young people have arranged a dinner and a movie night with all the proceeds going to Bastion, now that's cool. These 18-25 year olds see that they have a responsibility in this world and are not just riding along talking from any and all. What about you? Please read this website http://sponsorhope.ca/ and make contact to make a difference.

I've been asked to preach

Now this one's a first.

I have been accused by my children of preaching, but now church has asked me to come and "preach". Somehow they know that the love and the state of the family has become a heavy burden for my beloved and I and based on that have asked me to come and speak on Valentines day 2010.

I already know what I want to say and I know what I want to communicate, but, I have no idea as to how to formulate my thoughts. I know that there are sermons that have points and that some speakers will speak to the points but I just want to share my passion for love, the family and how that passion and love can change the world.

One key point will be that it is ok for my spouse to have a need that I don't have and that I have a responsibility to try to meet that need as directed by scripture. I want to make sure that based on scripture we (male and female) are created differently, but not wrong. Hmm, looks like the start of a message. Most of the material I will use will be from "Love and Respect" by Eggerichs.

Should be fun. Will keep this blog apprised of my progress.

The absence of pleasure is not necessarily pain

Sounds rather maudlin doesn't it? Maybe even edging towards self pity? Nah! I am just having a darn time trying to get pleasure out of anything right now. his has to be the worst flu I have ever experienced. So, I am trying to rest, read, listen and drink lots of fluids.

Interesting though, today I read in my chronological bible reading about how Pilate had Jesus flogged because the "leading priests had arrested Jesus out of envy" (see Mark 15:10). Being flogged 39 times with a lead tipped whip would have caused more than pain and yet His captors are shown as expressing pleasure in the way they treated Him before, during and after the flogging that would have killed me.

And I sit in comparative peace awaiting recovery I read as He awaited a known death of suffocation and more than that He knew that at some point in the next hours the Father would place the weight of the sins of all upon Him as payment in full. And yet the Father who lives outside of time allowed this to happen in time so that "once and for all" the penalty would be paid.

It doesn't mean that we live a perfect life without sickness and pain, in fact the very knowledge of my failure causes me emotional and spiritual pain. In the sickest way by forsaking His only Son, God the father accepted me and you into the friendship of His family. In fact He calls us joint heirs even though I have failed and will continue to fail miserably because I do not know or understand the depth of His love for me. He knows that I will fail and he knows that I will rise again, seek forgiveness and be restored(Proverbs 24:16). It is the one who refuses to accept restoration that will be counted with the wicked.

Tuesday Musings # 59

Happy Tuesday everyone

I have remained cloistered from between my bathroom, bedroom and office for the past few days. You see, I have the flu, don't know which one, but I have all the symptoms and am now taking the requisite medications(and a few more) to try to quell this storm that is brewing in my lungs. I have all the things I need, my bible, paper to write on, lots of fluids, rest, computer, TV and even more time than I usually get with my beloved during the day, but besides being sick I am missing something.

I guess that's what I am musing about. I miss my freedom. My ability to get up and go. o set my schedule and accomplish it. When on a sick bed, I feel like something else has control of my agenda and more so my life. And you know what? I don't like it. I hate being sick and having already weakened lungs makes the spectre of this thing even more scary. I also miss just being out there doing what I do well and what I love, my job.

Makes me think about those who are infirm on a regular basis. Those confined to world of constant cloister of illness and those who are behind bars. What is it like to lose all freedoms, to have no choice as to when to rise or when to rest, what about those who are so ill that they're concerns remain at the beck and call of someone else? On another plane, there are the days of silence that I choose to take usually on a quarterly basis. But they too are different because I have a choice to attend and be silent, these days are not by choice ever.

What does this all mean in the big picture? Did this happen to teach me something? If so, what shall I learn from these two days (or more if I am not well)? I have taken time to rest, to drink, to study and prepare for lessons to be given, but not much time has been invested into what I can learn from this shelving. I wonder what there is? Oh well, time for more rest.

Happy Tuesday everyone