I have not posted in some time because I just haven't been able to. It felt like my insides were all bunched up and nothing was able to come out. Then, this past weekend happened. It was supposed to be a time for me to visit my son at his internship in North Carolina, a time to hear a new song he had written and recorded and played first at the church.
But God had different plans for me. My sons song was/is amazing, but my purpose for being there was for God to break through some of the defences I have built for years. Why I wouldn't let this happen in my church is too easy to answer, pride.
So, there I was with my son, at two services. When I heard him play his song I was a proud papa. I enjoyed everything that morning until the team played a song I had never heard. As I heard it in the first service I felt something breaking, but in my pride I hung on. "This would definitely not be the place to break down would it", I said to myself? The second service(very much like the first started, his song was second, again. The pastor preached the same message, with some changes. Then God broke me. That may not be correct grammar, but that is what happened.
I was introduced to a song by John Mark Mcmillan called "How He loves" and for the second time I felt this breaking inside. I started to cry and couldn't stop. I knew that I needed to repair a relationship and the people I needed to talk to were sitting right beside me, what a coincidence, not! Now, I play this song and I cry every time. There is a powerful story to this song, the writer tells of the accidental death of a close friend and the anger he experienced. But, he also speaks of the knowledge that God still loves us, no matter the circumstances of our lives. And even when we are mad at Him, He still loves us.
So, that surprise visit to my son (he did know I was coming) has turned into a huge weekend of passion for God and restoration. Who knew?
