unknown commenters # 2

It just may have worked. I was given a suggestion by a work colleague (thanks again Jon) who said that it was probably spam that was auto-commenting on the blog. I haven't received any comments in 11 days.

So, after next week, I may unleash the freedom to comment again, have patience.

New Reading Material

As posted earlier, I am reading the original trilogy, The Lord of The Rings this summer. I am going through it pretty slowly for s few reasons, one; I can't sit that long, two; OI am still feeling the affects of pain killers and they are affecting my ability to comprehend, and three; I am enjoying the slow read and finding new (I think) details.

I received a get well call from a friend from the "Sault". He is aptly named "leaner" (in RTWM circles) due to his propensity to lean when he has had a few to many. The leaner suggested I read some books about some tattooed lady, or something like that. I referred to the original trilogy because this series is about the "girl with the dragon tattoo". Oh yeah, the first one is over 800 pages, should be fun.

So, wish me "happy reading" as I re-enter the world of crime, at least in fiction.

The view from the passenger seat

I have been dutifully sitting in the passenger seat for 6 weeks now. If you know me, you will know that I am not the best passenger in the world. I admit that it's a control thing, but I have hated being a passenger in my own car. Yet today as we spent some time alone, I looked and saw such wonderful beauty in the landscape not far from our home. I saw so much and this is just another blessing that has come from my surgery. Yes I feel better already, but I have seen so much more by being a passenger.

It kinda makes me want to go hmm. To voluntarily give up control to someone else is not a bad thing. Of course, one needs to completely relinquish all and take one's hands off to get to this point. I was forced to be a passenger because of a medical issue, so it was not completely voluntary, but the message that slams into me is this: what else do I need to let go of before it is taken from me? That scares me to be honest. Is it my beloved, my kids, another family member, my career or even my life.

The benefit is that everything looks better from the passenger seat. When I gave up control, I saw the beauty of everything. Am I willing to give up and let go of the other things in my life so that I can really see them for what they are? These are not just rhetorical questions, these require me to act. These require me to will myself to let go, to have my fingers pried off and to say that I do not have all the answers. I am tired of fighting and squeezing. What's it going to take to have me let go? I am unwilling to risk force and I think my attention has been made to stand up.

I have driven a few times since being given permission. But today was the longest distance and the greatest amount of time that I have spent behind the steering wheel. Today, I drove for about a half hour. I have spent many years driving and have driven long distances but I have not really felt the utter exhaustion I felt after the thirty minutes I drove this morning. I needed to let go and I did. A very good lesson was learned today, let's see if it sticks.

6 weeks and counting

I made it. It is now six weeks since the surgery and I feel fine. Well, not fine as in completely healed, but fine in that I am getting better. That continuum is somewhat longer than I thought. It seems that every time I go through these surgeries, the most recent was my tenth (10Th) bone related surgery. That's a lot of work, if it was plastic surgery, I'd already be someone different, that's a scary thought, good thing comments have been put on hold.

Oh well, I am now six weeks post major surgery to repair a back that was even more damaged than the surgeon thought. I am walking more, I am resting more, I am sleeping better, but, I feel like I have hit a plateau and it freaks me out. My beloved tells me that I used the exact words the last time (just over two years ago), to express me frustration with the state of recovery that I am in. So, I guess I need to keep counting and to remember the past.

In the spiritual world we are reminded to remember the former times when God did so much for us. The people of Israel are reminded to look back to the original Exodus. We have (at least I have), in my life, many experiences not too unlike the Exodus, where I can remember God working out the details when I could not even think through the initial steps. He was and continues to be true to His word, He says that "I will never leave you or forsake you" and so, in my time of frustration of being "stuck" or at a plateau, I need to look back to the "former times" and remember, believe and trust. That's a definition of faith for me.

Six weeks ago, I was on an operating table, I trusted God and the surgeon, He chose to fix my back and it was and is a long term agreement. I will continue to trust both of them, but God gets first billing, sorry Dr. M.

It's Quiet and I am thinking

They've all gone to church and I am left alone with my thoughts and a few sounds: the tapping on the keyboard, the usual rumbling of the house as it settles and the rare car as it travels on it's lonely ride down the on the road. And it's quiet.

I love the times when I can sit in relative quiet and think.

Sometime the thoughts are ones of great joy, like yesterday's celebration of my beloved's birthday. We had a small celebration, not like one for someone who is eleventyone, but small and only with family in attendance. She turned (where did that phrase come from anyway) 50 yesterday. She didn't want a big celebration because she knew that it would have caused me to expend too much energy while I am still in recovery mode. That's just one thing that is so special about my beloved. I would write more, but she reads this and does not like attention drawn to herself. So, she is amazing, beautiful, gifted, gentle, generous, kind and she has been mine for almost 30 years and I love her.

In quiet times like this I think and pray for those I care about and I wonder when the dreaded will occur. In the midst of that fear I am comforted by the knowledge that when it does happen she will be with Him and she will have no more pain.

It's quiet, and I am thinking........................

baby's been bit by a bug

Yes I know a terrible and manufactured attempt at alliteration. I guess I'll get a "b" for the attempt. Maybe something less for the humour, oh well.

My baby girl, aka my daughter and youngest child has developed a wonderful love for travel. I suppose we are to blame, but she has taken the flights to new heights and breadths. When she was young we took regular trips to Florida and even took her to Cuba. But she has been to farther fields than I have ever been and she is still very young.

Just this summer she has been to (in order): England, Denmark, Germany, France, Italy, Ireland (she had to visit the places I walked and where I went to school and where I was born, then back to England to make the uneventful (and parental demanding) trip back to Canada.

And now there's more, she wants to see Canada, at least the western portion before she returns to Ecuador (on yet another missions trip) and all this before she attends school in Virginia (in her brother's footsteps) to study to be a nurse. In the spirit of Tolkien and my summer reading plan, "the road goes ever on and on, down from the door where it began" at least for her.

Me, I'm gonna go from the bedroom to the deck to the kitchen to the next comfortable place to sit and rest because her trips tire me out. Oh, the good news, she paid for and will continue to pay for all these trips herself. I guess this is one person who understands self reliance (inside joke for some of you who know me in a different world).

So, what's the point of this post? I love my kids, I love my wife more and to be honest, I have truly enjoyed empty nesting when it arrived earlier this summer. But(you knew there had to be a but), I worry. I know I profess faith and with that faith worry is not exactly a positive virtue. I think about her (and her older brother) when they travel and wonder and worry about their safety.

Letting go gets harder as they grow older and there's no antidote for this bug, oh bother!

Some changes

OK, so a work colleague gave me a hint to try to get rid of the "spam" that is the oriental commenters. Thanks Jon. I have made some changes that should hopefully eliminate the unwanted and unreadable comments.

Home

I've been thinking about home a lot lately.

Home means so much to so many people. I don't have a home to go to. That is, since both my parents have passed, there is no longer a family home to go to. I miss that. We have a home that I love and truly enjoy being here. It is the home that my I, my beloved and my children retreat to when life gets tough, or when life is so good. There really is no place like home.

Home for me is also in another country. I was born in Ireland. My daughter was there recently and went to the church I attended, the schools I attended, and was even in the house beside the one where I was born. I am so jealous of her. Not in a bad way, but in that "I wish I was with her when she experienced that place" way. I know I have posted about "home" before, but the longing is getting stronger.

I think part of this longing is due to my choice of reading material these days. I am just at the part of the story where Frodo is leaving home, possibly never to return. He is 50 as he leaves and I am close to that age. I am not interested in some lengthy, death defying adventure, but I do want to go home. It's not the adventure and the possibility of new experiences that I want, I am looking for familiarity (whether or not it breeds contempt) and I want to see the beauty of that land again with eyes wide open.

I'll be spending some time working on this one, particularly if this trip is with my beloved. It may be part of a bigger trip that may involve the Netherlands (her ancestry). It just might be me alone just one last visit, one last walk along the Liffey, one last walk in Glasnevin, one last visit to #5 and one last visit to that terrible beauty.

Reading in the sunshine

Oh what a glorious day it has been.

I spent some time reading The Lord of The Rings and listening to the soundtrack of all three films at the same time. I didn't get through all the sound tracks mind you, but I did get through about half the first chapter. For accuracy's sake, I read from half the first chapter to half the second chapter.

I am amazed how much more detail I get each time I read the book. I haven't read them in years, but there is so much to get from them. In fact, one of my favourite quotes is from the first portion of the book. In the film, it is saved for Gandalf's chat with Frodo while stuck in Moria, but in the book it actually happens in Bag End. Frodo exclaims: "I wish it need not have happened in my time" and Gandalf says to Frodo, "so do I , and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us".

Wow, "all" is so encompassing, "decide" is so powerful, "time" is limited by what is "given" to us. To be sure the events that life has given me over the last two plus years have provided me with an array of experiences. Just sitting in the sunshine, enjoying words and music cause me to think so much about life. Life, with is seeming unfairness sometimes stinks. In spite of the depth of my faith, I sometimes just want to rail at life and scream why! Maybe it's the depth that stops me when I look at people like Job or Paul or Peter or Jesus and see that they too lived a life that was "unfair". I recall my retort to my children when they complained about the unfairness of life and I would say: "life's not fair" and it isn't.

Reading in the sunshine reminds me that in the beauty of all that is good, there remains that which is evil and because of that evil we live in an unfair and imperfect world. All I have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to me................hmm what will I decide to do?

The boy has become a Man, part deux.

This morning, I had the memorable opportunity to hear my son preach. he is not training to be a preacher, but he was asked to do so at the church where he is serving this summer. I have had the privilege to sit and be lead in worship by him on several occasions, but this was a new opportunity.

He preached well, he spoke well and he presented a clear and challenging message. To say I am proud would be an understatement. The thing I am most proud of from this morning is his openness and vulnerability. He openly spoke of the challenges he has experienced over the last few years and how they have been used to prune his life.

He clearly has developed into a fine young man (if I do say so myself) and is open to being lead by God as he travels the path before him. Taking time to stand back and view both of my children as young adults is both hard and beneficial. I see my mistakes and I see their choices to become better people than I could have imagined and I am thankful.

The boy has become a Man

I went to a concert last night and watched my son play guitar like I have never seen before. It was a huge eye opener for me. I haven't seen him play since October. Back then he was playing in church and was somewhat reserved. Last night was a concert to raise money for Haiti and the band he was in were the headliners. They asked him to join them as lead guitarist. He was awesome, whether it was his Fender or his Les Paul, he played like a man having fun, and a man who really knew what he was doing. Oh yeah, a man. He has grown into a wonderful young man. He was singing the songs while he played with abandon. He was "having fun" while he played each lick.

I realized somewhere during the 40 minutes that he was playing that he really is no longer a boy, but a man. He is my son, and he is a man. He is planning his future, with God's direction. He is serving Him and for His glory and I could not be more proud. And he will continue to play, lead others and develop the skills of other musicians as he grows in his journey to serve God.

Wow, my boy has really grown to be an awesome young man.

Four weeks since surgery

Wow, yesterday was four weeks exactly since I had my surgery. I am so pleased with my recuperation so far. I am walking(with my friend wheely walker) and of course a family member or friend.

I am so thankful for the help of many people as I have continued on this journey to better health. They have encouraged me and blessed me when I have struggled with "cabin fever". Cabin fever is awful. I have access to books, music, computer, tv and family and friends. I just wanted to get out of here and feel the breeze(no matter how hot is has been). So, my beloved or my children have graciously taken me for rides to help alleviate the fever. Usually it results in me being exhausted after 1/2 hour, but that's ok.

I've just spent about an hour sitting and standing and sitting (you get the drill) on the deck, reading and listening. There is a nest of some small bird just by the deck and the call of this bird is beautiful. I bet they don't get cabin fever :).

I have so much to be thankful for and my recovery so far is clearly one of these things.

And so it begins

For many years now I have taken some time during my summer holidays to read and/or watch the entire Lord of The Rings. Since we purchased the extended versions of the movie, I have spent one day watching the entire story. It takes many hours, but it is one of my favourite things(cue Julie Andrews).

This year, though, I am planning on reading it. It will definitely take more than a day to read it. So, today begins my annual journey to middle earth. I have been doing this annually for longer than I can remember. I was first introduced to the work of Tolkien in the early seventies, while staying at a friends cottage on Rainbow beach, past Leith and Annan.

I have eight more weeks of recuperation and I hope to complete this journey in that time.

The unknown commenters

Back in the '70's there was the "unknown comic". There was a group of us who loved the "gong show" and we tried to emulate many of the things about that show even including the "worm dance". We also loved the "unknown comic" with his "chuckie, chuckie, chuckie" rant.

But this post has nothing to do with the unknown comic, it has everything to do with the "unknown commenter's". Who are you? Why would you comment on an english blog in chinese? This author cannot read your comments and neither can most if not all of my other regular readers. Seems much like the anonymous commenter who refused to give his/her real name until they were called out by this writer.

If you cannot respond in English, then why hide behind something that the others who read this post cannot read? If you cannot respond and identify yourselves, then I may have to resort to removing the ability to comment and that's not fair to others.

So, it's up to you. Choose today how you will respond and comment.

Collusion is alive and well in ................ Basketball?

With all the hype surrounding bosh and james (names in lower case for a reason) I have spent some time thinking about their collective behaviour. I really don't care much for the Raptors or basketball for that matter, but I wonder why it's illegal for teams to work together for the betterment of the league and legal for players to work together for their own pocketbooks. I do realize that the collusion in baseball was not necessarily for the betterment of the league, but for the owners, but I digress.

Now I am all for free markets, free agents and choice in most matters. However, this attempt to create a "dream team" has me questioning much about these players. Player is an apt definition for these guys. Their abject selfishness explains a lot about many of today's athletes and does little to define them as positive examples for any of today's youth. The message, clearly, is that by ganging up they can accomplish what they want, without regard for the rest of the players and teams. After all it is a team sport, isn't it? Can you imagine being one of the other two players on the court with these jokers?

Sports are clearly a business proposition to the management and players. The fans though, see it differently. The fans are the ones whose loyalty has been demolished by these "championship" seeking players. The fans buy the tickets and merchandise to support "their" team and develop a sense of hero worship with these players, only to see that these players are not worthy of any worship at all, because they worship at the altar of mammon. Nothing and no one comes before that.

Sad really when you think about the myopic selfishness displayed by these players. This is one sports fan who will cheer for anyone except these players, even Kobe, yikes!

21 days

It's been 21 days since the most recent surgery. Sounds a little like "bless me father it's been 21 days since my last confession" no offence meant to the Catholics out there, I used to be one.

All in, it has been a success. I am so glad I have accomplished as much as I have in 3 weeks. I need to heed the directions of the doctors both of whom said that I should continue to "take it easy".

And I will continue, I am more than half way through "The Book of Negroes" and I wouldn't say I am enjoying it. I am unsure how one can enjoy some of the details that Hill has placed in the story. But as disturbing as the story is, it helps me with taking it easy. In addition, I have numerous cookbooks at my fingers, or at least on my dresser and then there's The Food Network.

I have spent some of my time watching some shows discovering and stealing recipes. Well, not really stealing, I prefer to call it harvesting, that's a pretty good one I think. Well, that's it, time to change position.

Altered States, no thanks

With no apologies to Paddy Chayefsky, I hate altered states. The state, that is, not the book or the movie, although Ken Russell might be an altered state all to himself.

While studying Psychology at University, I discovered the book by Chayefsky and I also studied many different types of altered states in numerous classes and courses. I did not participate in studies like the Leary stuff, although I have had some voluntary altered states when I was much younger.

No, the state that I refer to is the state I have found myself in due to the need for analgesics following my recent surgery. I hate having to read and re-read a paragraph. Just thinking that this post just might make sense actually humours me. To add to this altered state I have just watched the first part of "Woodstock" yes the original and only "Woodstock" with my son. The numerous depictions of altered states was mind bending, sorry I had to put that in. The state was not just due to drugs, but also due to meditation (looked like tantric at some point), Tai Chi, dance and then there was Joe Cocker, who had his own "altered state" when he "got by with a little help from his friends". I just love watching his "air guitar".

I want to have a clear head, to think, to recall, to be able to come up with the correct word when speaking with family and visitors. The likelihood is that I either get used to the stuff, or I get off them. That's my master plan, to get off all of this stuff, I want to be free of the affect and effect of the chemicals on my brain, my mind, my state of being and my life. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Aah patience, yes I know it's a virtue, my Mom always said that and a few others too, some were clearly from Solomon, but this one is not. The only kind of altered state I want right now is to sleep, perchance to dream.

Staple Free

I have heard lots of jokes and comments about staples in the last two weeks, but by far the best one is from today: "they are all out", said the technician.

I saw the Dr. today as scheduled and he is very happy with the results so far. He then turned me over to the "technician/staple remover/torturer". The technician was actually very kind. He proceeded to remove the staples and unfortunately his attempts to distract me didn't work. Oh well, he stopped after the first 20 or so, gave me time to catch my breath and then returned to finish the job. He removed all 51, I guess I have my own personal area 51 happening.

Lots of good news today, the surgery has been successful. The foot drop is recovering, ever so slowly, but improving. I am in less pain and so far I have no numbness in my left leg and none in either feet(or is the proper grammar either foot?).

The direction from the Dr. is as follows: "take it easy", he must be an Eagles fan! So, I am taking it easy. Taking walks when I can, watching the "Food Network" as much as I want and resting. I haven't felt this good in so long. The key now is to not overdo it.