Christmas is coming

I am not on Facebook by choice.

I have enough electronic stuff to try to use without trying to use one to get friends. However, my beloved called me into the office a few hours ago to ask me to watch something that she had just received on Facebook.

I was blown away, I was in tears, I was awestruck. Just once I would love to be surprised by this even if it was in a mall. One thing, besides the quality of the musicians that struck me was the people who although not performing, stood. They stood in honour of the one who was being sung about and sung to.

How inspiring.

May you use this and other methods to prepare for Christmas. Some of you, just like my family will "celebrate" this Christmas with the absence of a loved one. This will undoubtedly be difficult, but focus on the reason for the season. We celebrate Christmas because death no longer has a sting, because the  grave has lost its' victory. 

We celebrate because of the birth of a babe in Bethlehem. His 33 years mean more than the sum of all time, because "He shall reign for ever and ever.............Hallelujah" 

Thank you Mr. Handel, thank you choir and thank you Jesus.

Let the journalling begin

I received a beautiful journal for my birthday. I found that it was too heavy and when opened it there were no lines on the pages. I need lines to keep myself "in line". Yes a bad pun, but the truth hurts sometimes.

So, we returned the one I received and substituted it for a smaller one with lines. It also has refills, so when this one is finished, I can simply take it out of the book and file it for safe keeping, start a new one and go from there.

Once again, I have to determine where the journal begins or ends and the blog begins or ends. Maybe they will overlap, maybe they won't, who knows?

Wish me well as I start a new phase of writing. Speaking of writing, I am thinking of taking some writing classes. Maybe this is one of those dreams that percolate until they over flow into something with a life of its' own. It has been a thought of mine for some time. I have a subject and a theme (it's a secret). I need to research some more and then put pen to paper.

I will be writing long hand. I just purchased a fountain pen (wouldn't you just love to have a Mont Blanc?) except it had a flaw and they didn't have another. So they (the writing store) are in the process of ordering a new one for me (it's not a Mont Blanc either). Maybe the journal will become the basis for the subject.

Check out the progress here. I am unsure what handle I will give to it, but it will be easily identifiable, I hope.

I am weary of Grief

Grief has visited me again, or maybe it just never left.

I am a linear thinker and I seem to live this way too, I have discovered that grief doesn't follow a stated path, it comes and visits me for a while, then it leaves me, sometimes in peace, often not. It never announces that it is returning, it just shows up, often at the worst times. Honestly, is there ever a good time for grief? I'm not sure if that was rhetorical.

And now, following a lovely day celebrating my life with loved ones and new friends, it, my other new friend, returned. I wonder if it is related to despair. The type that comes from something being "just not right". I don't know anymore.

I can't control it. I can't make it follow a logical path. I can't stop it and I hate it. I know that there is supposed to be great healing from living through the pain and the reward for perseverance is just that. It is isn't it? I've always thought that if I just persevere through the tough stuff that a reward is at the end of that time. Maybe there is no reward, maybe it is just the knowledge that I accomplished what I set out to do.

I just don't know anymore...........................

Being this type of tool is a good thing

It has been a wonderful day. I can't recall a better birthday. I received wonderful gifts including the gift of reflection from many. Gifts as a love language is near the top in my list of love languages. However today has not been filled with literal gifts, and yet I received a number of very nice gifts. Today has been filled with people. It has been filled with my the joy and gracious love of my beloved, it has been filled with the gift of contact by both of my two amazing children, now adults. They have taught me much in their 23 and 20 year life spans. It has been filled with phone calls from family members and posts on my beloveds face book from friends, it has been filled with calls and text messages from friends old and new and filled with contact and even gifts from my new small group.

It has been a day filled with blessings. One of those is a gift from new friends. A book by a favourite author about called "Shaped by God". This book deals with the idea that as we go through trials that God uses them to shape us into better people and better tools for His service.

I want to be a "tool" that is used to help others become who they were created to be. I realize that this type of tool must be used, sometimes in difficult settings to accomplish those tasks. I know that sometimes this type of tool  is dropped and dented, is placed too close to a source of hear and risks being burned. I still want to be that tool.

As birthdays go, this has been one of the best.

Thanks to Jo, my beloved, thanks to Josh and Alex my Christ follower children who depend on Him daily for their every need. Thanks to my friends for calling and writing. Thanks to my family(biological and otherwise) for your calls, emails and your love. Why one man should be so blessed is beyond  my capability to understand.

What have I done to deserve this? That questions is often preceded by a calamity. This is no calamity, this is beautiful, this is life, this is God's love for me and for all, for He did not come to condemn me or the rest of this world, but to save me and the rest of this world through Jesus.

Thanks God for making me a tool to be used in your workbench.

A new journey begins

If you have read the previous post from this morning you will know that today is the anniversary of my birth. I was (and remain) the 5th child in birth line but not the last of my parents. There are two more who followed me. I am the second male, preceded directly by a brother who suffered much and three sisters whose lives differed greatly from my brothers in ways that remain undefined and unspoken and unclear with many remaining questions which will never be answered.

For many years now I have tried to express my thoughts and other things in a journal. I have tried different formats and books and even online. Then I discovered the practice of blogging thanks to Kevin Presseault. I have truly enjoyed blogging however there are limits to what seems like a limitless method of communication. There are so many comments/thoughts/feelings and even opinions that I would like to state but I am hamstrung by civility and the possibility of a lawsuit that prevents me from putting the thoughts on the blog.

So (and yes I am now finally getting to the point), I have decided to return to the world of journalling effective immediately. I asked for a journal for my birthday and received a beautiful book this morning. Do not fear or fret, the blog will continue. I need a lighthearted way to get some things out and there still resides the possibility that the obscure musical lyric (OML) will return. On another note(pun intended), the OML will be taking a new form soon. For those of you who read this at my place of employment, the company newspaper ATB will start publishing a version of the OML probably in the new year.

Funny, I am listening as I write. the song "Time Was" is on the playlist currently with the opening line of "I've got to rearrange my life, I've got to rearrange my world". I guess that starting to journal will help me to rearrange my world and place the important things first.  

It may be difficult to define what goes where at first, but I anticipate that in time life will find a way of sorting itself out.

Peach and Shalom to you all

A Momentous occasion

And what would that be I wonder? In the space of the last three days, I went from having a teenager in the house to having no teenagers at all and I turned 53. When we say turn what exactly do we mean anyway. In my younger days I recall a "turn" as being something not so good as in "he's taken a bad turn". But birthdays are not necessarily a bad thing, so what exactly is meant by the term turn?

It's my birthday today. I am surrounded by love, not just because it is "my" birthday, but because I have so many people around me who are loving and who love me. Before anyone human I must consider the Creator who "knew me in my mothers womb", who "knit my bones together", who "love me so much He sent His son to die not to condemn me but to love and save me". In this temporal world I think first of my beloved who demonstrates unconditional love better than anyone besides the Saviour, I think of my kids who love and respect me, I think of the rest of my biological family and while I do not always hear from them, I always hear from my sister Margaret, who loves me. I think of my new "father" figure Stan, who in spite of losing his daughter and his wife finds so much room in his heart to demonstrate love to all the "family". I would be remiss to forget my in-laws who have loved me since I first began to date their daughter way back in 1976. They are loving, forgiving and obviously very patient.

There are people missing today. I miss my parents. Without them, I would not be here. While that is painfully obvious to all, their influence either good or bad remains. I miss friends from long ago, a song called "for absent friends" expresses some of my feelings at this time, a particular line which says:

"looking back at days of four 

instead of two, 

years seem so few, 

heads bent in prayer 

for friends not there"

I miss my Mom and Dad and I miss my friend Ruth today on my birthday. I wish I could hear her speak truth in to my life just one more time. She, like the priest in the song was "close to God". Now, she is living with God and I wonder if she hears me?

Yes, it is a momentous occasion, and I must take these moments with the living, not slumber or sorrow with the dead or pine "for absent friends". 

I am here and I will celebrate with the living I will share my joy for it is a joyous occasion to celebrate the gift of another year.

The times they are a changin'

Take a look a liitle south of here and see how things are changing.

The republicans and conservative folks in the U.S. are throwing out big government and waste and voted for change yesterday.

How does this affect us? I think there are many ways, but most importantly, it demonstrates the ability of the people to assess leaders and how wrong they actually are and then by using their civic responsibility, get them out, not necessarily by Friday, but get them out.

A one term president (especially this one) is the best thing that could happen to that nation.

Congratulations and let the hand wringing begin.