The view from the passenger seat

I have been dutifully sitting in the passenger seat for 6 weeks now. If you know me, you will know that I am not the best passenger in the world. I admit that it's a control thing, but I have hated being a passenger in my own car. Yet today as we spent some time alone, I looked and saw such wonderful beauty in the landscape not far from our home. I saw so much and this is just another blessing that has come from my surgery. Yes I feel better already, but I have seen so much more by being a passenger.

It kinda makes me want to go hmm. To voluntarily give up control to someone else is not a bad thing. Of course, one needs to completely relinquish all and take one's hands off to get to this point. I was forced to be a passenger because of a medical issue, so it was not completely voluntary, but the message that slams into me is this: what else do I need to let go of before it is taken from me? That scares me to be honest. Is it my beloved, my kids, another family member, my career or even my life.

The benefit is that everything looks better from the passenger seat. When I gave up control, I saw the beauty of everything. Am I willing to give up and let go of the other things in my life so that I can really see them for what they are? These are not just rhetorical questions, these require me to act. These require me to will myself to let go, to have my fingers pried off and to say that I do not have all the answers. I am tired of fighting and squeezing. What's it going to take to have me let go? I am unwilling to risk force and I think my attention has been made to stand up.

I have driven a few times since being given permission. But today was the longest distance and the greatest amount of time that I have spent behind the steering wheel. Today, I drove for about a half hour. I have spent many years driving and have driven long distances but I have not really felt the utter exhaustion I felt after the thirty minutes I drove this morning. I needed to let go and I did. A very good lesson was learned today, let's see if it sticks.