So hard to let go

I lost a friend today. She was so much more than a friend to me. She went peacefully at 5:40 am, I saw her within ten minutes and sat and cried as I have never cried before. She was certainly a mother figure, a mentor, an example and someone who was more real than most people I have met. We talked daily for over two years and we didn't just talk about the weather. We talked about deep life experiences and the effect of great losses on our lives. We always talked about the bible. For the past 2 + years I have been able to read my bible daily and from these readings at least one verse stood out for her and her husband. She  gave me a purpose that I have not felt before. I was responsible for keeping her up to date in my life. Through this I was also responsible for not giving up, but for ensuring that I kept reading as I had agreed to.

I'm supposed to write a eulogy for her. I have never written one before and it is weighing heavily on me. What do I say about her that borders on such a personal relationship? She did not want too much made of her in this memorial service. She didn't want people to hear all the good things about her, rather she wanted people to hear about what and who she believed in.

She was a Christ follower. She knew the bible well. She had committed much of the bible to memory and much of her personal bible was covered in highlighted parts. These verses spell out her life and her relationship with her Lord.

So many people have said: "she's no longer in pain" and that is true, but the selfish me wants her still here so I can draw deep from the well that she is. The selfish me wants her here longer than her creator does and I have to listen to Him and "let her go". But it's too hard to do that. I wasn't finished with her yet, I wanted so much more from her and I realize that her body was worn out beyond her time frame and she needed to go home. She even said it several days ago, when asked she nodded that she was tired of this earth and wanted to go and visit with her daughter and her Lord.

And there she is, meeting Val and Jesus who said t her "well done good and faithful servant enter into your rest". She needed and deserved rest, while I still have work to accomplish. I have practical things to do for her, her husband and their grandchildren and I have much more to do. I will follow my path and wait for my turn to break free from this harsh world. Today I fight with letting go, some day I will be be waiting to go and see her again.

It's still too hard to let go, but there is coming a day when I will see her again. When that day arrives, I will have no pain, there will be no tears and death will be defeated and there will be no more dying and that's a much better prospect.