Why is it so hard to let go?

A loved one lies dying and I don't want to let go. The weird thing is we have only known each other for two years and four months and I love her as if she was my mother. In the time since that terrible day when her daughter was taken, she and I have developed a deep relationship. She had so much to share that many others also were recipients of her gift of love, joy, laughter and loco parentis. She became "mother" to many of us, her new family and we welcomed the mothering. Now we are taking care of her and her remaining family because the mounting losses are encroaching on them from what appears to be all sides.

I hate cancer. I hate what it has done to her and to so many others. She on the other hand accepted her difficulties with the same grace that expresses the deepest faith I have ever seen. How can one woman be so deeply gifted and yet so deeply challenged? God knows and just like Job and his patience, she walked with God and would not curse Him for His choices. No, she welcomed God's plans, because His plans are higher than her plans and His thoughts are higher than her thoughts. She trusted in Him that He would deliver her from all of this and one day He will provide her with a heavenly body, with no pain, no death, no dying and no more tears.

I already miss her. All that is left is a shell and the ability to barely move. I want to turn the clock back and talk, we had daily "dates" where we would talk about the bible, life, the children, the sadness and the joys. Now, we communicate by my reading the bible to her, by the gentle touch of a hand, by a tender kiss and by her blinking her eyes. I have learned so much from this wonderful woman that it may take years to unpack the thoughts. In the meantime, I will let go ever so slowly.

What is this great plan? For what reason were we introduced to this family? She said yes to a simple invitation to stay in our home after her great loss. If she had said no, none of this would have involved us. But, she said yes. She chose to invite us into her world and then in her loss she brightened our lives. I feel strangely guilty for getting so much because of her loss. And now I watch her as she fades from this world into eternity. She goes confidently into the dark night. She does not fear because she knows where she is going and I will miss her greatly.

But why? There I said it, why? I want to shake my fist and scream why. I don't want to lose another Mother.  I know I will soon and the demands of the practical will take over and I will be busy, but I will not let go.