I have a hard time believing that a month and more has passed since I lost Ruth. Many others lost her too, some who knew her for many years. But I lost someone who knew me, who loved me, who trusted me and who believed in me so much.
There is at least one others person who also does the same things and she loves me no matter what. My beloved will always believe in me, Ruth meant something different than my beloved did. Ruth was like a Mom to me and there is a special relationship between a young man and his Mom. I see it with my own son, he and his mother have a bond that is nigh unbreakable. It is amazing to watch and see the depth of the love and the honesty and fun and trust they have and they are something to behold.
I had that with Ruth and she is gone. I want to call her and tell her about my accomplishments, like walking around the block and I can't. I know some think that you can talk to the dearly departed and they hear us, I want more than that I want a response. That's not too much to ask is it? I can ask, but I am not going to get it any time soon.
In the parts of my brain that understand hard facts, I know I will see her again, but I want to see her now. I want to talk to her and hear her advice and wise comments and even a few wise cracks. Oh she could laugh and love but she couldn't last. That damn cancer took her and yes I understand it was God's timing, but just once I wanted it to be on my terms. So many kind acting people have said things like "we only see one part of the canvas", or "we only see just a few pixels of the whole picture" and I understand all that, it just doesn't help to alleviate the hurt.
Their well meaning platitudes don't help anymore.
How do I miss her? let me count the ways.................
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