Be still and know that I am God

I am tired. I have had the opportunity to be sick in the past, but this one takes the cake. I have never felt this way and am struggling with the amount of time that I have been sick. I am very thankful that I have an employer who has been more than accommodating for the last 12 working days, and since it is now Wednesday, it will be 13 today. I don't know if it's h1n1, no one has tested me for it. I had all the right symptoms at the beginning and now am struggling with the remaining ones, fatigue and exhaustion and sometimes they feel like the same thing. Are they the same thing?

I am plodding along filling my system with steroids (21 days in total) knowing clearly what that is doing to my bones and who knows what else as well as two courses of antibiotics that will last approximately 24 days. But here's the rub, I awake and feel great. I mean like a beautiful sunny morning great and looking to enjoy the day. By the time I have completed my morning ablutions and gotten dressed, I am so tired that my entire upper body feels like it is shaking inside, what's with that?

So, like I said, I am tired. Frustrated doesn't even express how I feel being stuck here all day. My only escape is to take my daughter to work, get my timmies (which usually takes me several hours to drink) and then go and pick her up at the end of her shift.

I am preparing for my small group lessons, and my Sunday school lessons so I have something to do and they are completed, almost. Interestingly, this weeks small group lesson talks about having tribulations (that would be difficulties) and how important our attitude is to be when we experience and endure them.

I needed this lesson. It says, "count it all joy". Four words starting with count, probably meaning to "add" the benefit or learning opportunity of the circumstance to my experience. It refers to the experience itself. All, well that means every portion of this experience. Joy, meaning contentment not necessarily happiness.

And there it is, I am to be content in my experience no matter what. So, yes I am tired of this, I will be content to learn from the down time. I am ill, I will learn once again what it means to get better and to allow others the privilege to serve me. I will trust them as they treat me with kindnesses as I recover. I will seek out the benefit of just stopping and being.

"Be still and know that I am God" rings quietly in my mind. I do know, but I have not been still in a long time. I have been busy consuming time and fitting people in. I make appointments and fill my time so that there is no time for listening. I listened today.

Jimmy Carter is misled by all the President's Men

Jimmy Carter finally said what I was waiting to hear. he stated that the opposition to President Obama is because he is an African American. I knew someone would finally say this, they had to, it's their final card, pun completely intended, in this game. So sad, Mr Carter is just another pawn of this administration who so radically want to change that nation, without the will of the people.

I clearly believe that there very well may be people who do not agree with the current US President because of his skin colour, but this grass roots opposition has nothing to do with skin colour. What a small minded notion to call the opposition racism. The opposition is due to the lies, the continuing growth of government and their increased intrusions into the lives of Americans. These folks are offended by the Health Care Bill (with Planned Parenthood in every school as the nurses, giving direction for abortions to be paid for by tax money) as well as end of life panels. The Fairness Doctrine, although it will be named something else with its' attacks on freedom of speech is also offensive to many. Another issue is the continuous lies, yes I said "lies" from the person on top.


No, Mr Carter, it is not the skin colour of the President that people are opposing. It is his ever changing position and his lies. He lied to faith leaders in the conference call when he said that there would be no abortion in the "health care bill". The current "federal conscience laws" will no longer remain in place. The inclusion of abortion and the removal of the conscience laws are examples of direct lying or policy changes that affect his citizens. He hides behind semantics, but so did Mr Clinton, he of the "I did not have sexual relations with her" lie.


What an aberration of the truth, it is clearly a move by the Presidents men and women to distract the American people from their concerns. The people of this great nation are not stupid. They will continue to fight for what they believe in, after all, they are citizens (so clearly called by the President) of a republic who have fought before against another tyrant. This tyrant is home brewed and clearly is hell bent on the destruction of the constitution on which that great country was formed.


I am proud to have lived in this country for almost 40 years. There are times that I wish my family had moved 30 minutes south, then I would have the privilege to speak out against this man and his minions. I will do so from this side of the border as long as I am able.

So much to Say #2

"Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter"

I went to the Dr. the other day with a few questions hoping to get some answers and I think that I now have more questions and less answers. Out of that appointment and doing some time with a phlebotomist, it's all come to this: they tell me I have Andropause. I asked, "is this for real" or is it just another bad joke, unfortunately, the Dr.(who I trust and appreciate) advised me that it really is what it sounds like and trust me it does what they say it will do.

So, I get to deal with andropause. Less humanely referred to as male menopause. I now have the pleasure of getting regular shots of testosterone to try to fight off the symptoms, most of which mirror the symptoms of menopause. There were other methods of delivery, but the shot every two weeks at least allows me to drop my drawers in front of a nurse with a sharp object filled with thick serum that's supposed to hurt. So far(three shots down) the anticipated pain has not arrived.

Why am I writing about this? I wonder how many men out there have experienced this and have no one to talk to about it. I would love to chat with someone who has gone through this so that I can speak to someone who understands the male perspective on this mostly hidden affliction.

I live in an community where the "learned" refrain to any adversity is either is "suck it up" or it's "the Lord's will" based on a complete misunderstanding of scripture and a lack of compassion. I need to state that not everyone abides by the refrain and not everyone agrees with the refrain, but, too many of the people that I have been able to rub shoulders with subscribe to the approach. There are some who do not and I appreciate them for their reality. Unfortunately, there are too few like Mrs C. and the Mechanic who are so real and who care deeply no matter what and will always be there to lend a hand(or bring a tractor) when needed.

I have started to read a book called mid-life manual for men and wonder of this tome has any comments about Andropause. I have begun to develop a new friendship with a man who also sees the hardness in the "suck it up" crowd and we intend to be compassionate to each other and to others as we walk this walk.