40 years is over

Forty years ago, about this time, we got out of a plane from Ireland, met some Canadian relatives and drove from Toronto to St. Catharines in what was the final leg of a lengthy journey to Canada. I have vivid memories from that day. I recall crying like there would be no more joy. I was an 11 year old realizing that I was leaving all that I knew and for what? I never really got an answer to that question then, and since both my parents are no longer with us, I can only surmise. But we don't talk about those things, because appropriate shame is bashed around by inappropriate pride.

I recall the plane ride, my first. I remember, for some strange reason, the smoke in the plane. I remember arriving in Toronto, and that long drive to St. Catharines. I remember the roundabout at the Niagara end of the Burlington skyway and all the street lights along the highway. I remember arriving and going to bed. I remember the many nights of nightmares, so vivid I can "see" them today. I was small and insignificant and all of this was being foisted upon me, like so many other things.

I remember going to school in Canada and being picked on because I spoke differently. That is also where I met Reg, now a life long friend. I remember walking to Meadowvale school, positively alone, I had no friends. We lived with my aunt, uncle, their three kids and I think my grannie lee lived there too. I used to think the

house was so big, and now when I drive by I realize it isn't so big after all. I remember my first birthday in Canada. My parents had so little, I

remember getting my first hockey stick with a straight blade, a puck and some hockey tape. I remember moving on Dec.23/69 to our first house and I remember our first Christmas.

And all of a sudden, it's 2009 and forty years have passed. I so wanted this day to be special, but life took over, in between work, responsibilities a

nd a very late day, it seems that the day much like the memories have faded and its' importance is fictitious. I so wanted to celebrate this day with my siblings, but, the "ideals" family just doesn't exist. In the years that have passed, strife has eliminated most of what each of us have lied to keep, "the family". Each has retreated to

ones own little silo to use whatever substance or behaviour is the latest to shield them from reality. Which crutch works this time, I wonder?

And now what? Will I be here in another forty, I doubt it. How many more of these false remembrances will I see? More likely the sad reality will be when is the next funeral. Then the talk will begin again, Mom and Dad would have wanted this or wanted that, and once again, I will remind them that what they want is immat

erial, for they are no longer here and what they want does not matter, it is just more guilt. The guilt will fly, o precious guilt, I was raised by a Jewish mother who converted to Catholicism, there was always guilt to spare. It's almost a cause for a charge of treason to defy and decline a request for the next "look at me in my drunken state" festival.

It's been forty years. Would I go back? Heck n

o, I think I have finally started to live again. I am no longer under the eyes and lies of the clan. I live for my God, my little family and for new opportunities to release myself of the guilt, inappropriate shame and immense sadness that pervades all that I am. I am haunted by memories of pain and mistrust that seem to lurk in the shadows waiting to pounce at my weakest moment.

And so, with Tenebras Expellit et Hostes as my motto, I will open myself to the light. For the light will show that which is in darkness and identify it for what it really is. Much like the light streaming in this photo, I want the light to brighten the darkened corners and crevices of my mind and soul, so that the exposure will bring beauty from ashes.

Tuesday Musing #54

Happy Tuesday everyone

In my through the bible reading I have finally reached the new testament. While I don't understand all that I have read, I have read everything from Genesis to where I am now, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. I have been reading the bible from a chronological perspective as opposed to the standard book after book process.

As I finished the old testament last week, I realized again that the message of all those book was for the people of Israel to be obedient. I've been thinking about obedience a lot based on my reading. David, the shepherd boy, giant slayer, murderer, King, writer, adulterer and man after God's own heart wrote, "to obey is better than sacrifice".

Why does the word obey have such a negative connotation these days. It used to be part of a marriage covenant, but due to the homogenization of our language and behaviour and the political correct movement it is no longer acceptable for people to honour and obey each other.

I have also be reading a lot about marriage as I am facilitating a large group Sunday school in a study entitled: "Love and Respect". I can hear a few people seeing the word respect and having some difficulty with the notion. The premise for the study is found in the new testament letter from Paul to the people of Ephesus (the Ephesians). Paul writes (and I paraphrase) "submit one another to Christ, husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her, and wives respect your husbands".

The portion of the letter here calls for mutual submission to God and each other and then with that approach to life, love and respect and expected. Apparently, the Greek language used here refers to the "agape" love, or unconditional love and respect is not based on performance ie. the husband does not have to earn the respect.

Why is this so important to me on this rainy cold Tuesday morning? I have learned much as I have prepared to lead this study again (I previously lead it with a small group of 10-12 people). I have learned that I need to love my beloved more. That doesn't mean that love is to do more things:

"it means to to love is to be patient, kind, not jealous, boastful, proud or rude, love does not demand it's own way, it is not irritable and does not keep a record of being wronged, it does not rejoice about an injustice, but rejoices when the truth wins out, love never gives up, never loses faith, love is always hopeful and endures though every circumstance". 1 Cor:13, 4-7

Is it possible to love as is described above? I have serious doubts about my ability to achieve that standard, but it is a standard that I am called to. I am told to obey and if my obedience to the standard causes my beloved to be loved, then what's wrong with obedience? Nothing of course, except one thing, me! To accomplish this, I must put her first, not me. I must make my wishes second and hers first, so that I demonstrate my love for her unconditionally (agape).

I never know where this Tuesday post is going to go, kinda makes you want to go hmmmmmm, doesn't it?

Happy Tuesday everyone

Obscure lyric for the week of Sept.28/09

Good morning music fans. Welcome to a new week. Just over a week ago, the world of music lost another wonderful soul. Mary Travers, of Peter, Paul and Mary (PPM) fame, succumbed to leukaemia. Actually, she died as a result of the treatment for the dreaded disease. With regards to that great loss, I have chosen a song sung by them.

I remember hearing them when I was a little one. The familiar sounds of their voices was very much like a comforting blanket or the kind words of a grandfather. Can anyone who hears the familiar strains of "Puff" not smile at the wonderful lyrics and simple story? I don't care what people think it is about, I think of it as a simple story written for children and I'm sticking with that.

Here are some lyrics:

Tell me why you're smiling my son

is there a secret you can tell everyone?

Do you know more than men that are wise?

Can you see what we all must disguise

through your loving eyes?

Well you already know that the song was sung by PPM, can you answer any of these questions?

The name of this song:

Who wrote it:

Who wrote Puff the Magic Dragon:

What was Puff based on:

Have a great week. This week is one of significant celebration for my family of origin. Forty years ago on September 30, 1969, my parents along with their 7 children left Ireland to come to Canada to start over and give their kids a chance at gaining greater opportunities. Looking back, I recall the angst of leaving my homeland and all that I knew and can now look back and be ever so thankful for the courage that my parents had to move all of us here. Thanks Mom and Dad, both of you have passed from this existence but not from my memory.

The big reveal for the week of Sept.21/09

Good morning music fans and welcome to the weekend, almost.Right off the bat, props go to Gary D. (most of you know who that is) for a timely, detailed and extremely correct answer to this weeks quiz. Wow, if I ever want to know anything about these guys, I am asking Gary. And more props for giving the source of his research and answers, he's good and honest.

The name of the song: Smugglers Blues

The writer: Glenn Frey

Tubbs Real name: Ricardo "Rico" Tubbs (Philip Michael Thomas

The name of the episode: Smugglers Blues (trick question)

The name of the character played by Frey: Jimmy Cole

How does the episode end: Frey (Jimmy Cole) is killed

If you require more info, just call Gary D. You should see the details he dragged up (or is it drugged up? Nah that would be cheesy seeing we're talking about the smugglers blues). Have a peek at these and remember Crockett, Tubbs great cars, planes and boats. And oh those pastels, what a fashion insurrection they started.

Have a great weekend. Enjoy all that comes as it comes and have some fun. I will be relaxing, resting, reading and sipping. In my ever challenging search for quotes to leave with you on Fridays I recently came across this one, attributed to Mary Pickford, a Canadian and an early file star and now legend. This is the first time I have identified the person to whom the quote is attributed to, I will do so from now on to give due homage to the authors.

"If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always a chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down."

Afternoon off, going to see leafs vs. Pens

I have the afternoon off. A rarity in my life. I am heading to the big city to see the Leafs play against the Penguins. I am taking my daughter to see her first pro hockey game. We are both very excited and looking forward to seeing some great hockey, up close. I will post some pics after we return home, but not tonight cause I don't expect to get home until midnight or later.


I have been a fan of hockey for almost 40 years. In 8 days we will celebrate our family's 40th anniversary of coming to Canada. When we arrived I remember seeing hockey for the first time and watching the Boston Bruins and some 21 year old kid who could dance on the ice. And then there was "the goal" scored on May 10, 1970.


I remember that year, I was a a new kid in this country, watching hockey, completely ignorant of the game and somehow loving it despite my ignorance. For some strange reason I switched from the big bad bruins to the Maple Leafs. Maybe it's because they have struggled since before I arrived (no relationship there at all). Maybe it's because one of my best friends liked them, maybe it's because they are the "local" team. I don't know why, but I love the Leafs.


I remember my first game at Maple Leaf Gardens. It was Derek Sanderson's first game after returning from a battle with substance abuse. I was with Reg, one of my closest friends then and even now. Tonight, I introduce my daughter to the great game live and in colour (Blue and White). She has played for 4 years, but is so pumped to see them oh yeah and Sidney Crosby too.

Go Leafs Go

Tuesday Musing #53

Happy Tuesday everyone

Today is Bilbo and Frodo's birthday. If you don't know who they are, then feel free to wait for another post. I have been a huge fan of Tolkien and some of his works since the mid 70's when I was introduced to The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings. I was subsequently introduced to other works and now have gather three copies of the Silmarillion, and I have no idea why.

What strikes me about these two fine hobbits is their love for home and simple things. By the way, I do know that they are not real and that the stories were not written as allegorical. However, the great JRRT wrote these stories for a reason and I am trying to determine what reason they are there for me.

There is much to take from these stories that would benefit all of us. It's just like everything else, I have to decide what I will take from them, as in the words of Gandalf when he says, "so do many at these times, all we have to do is decide what to do with the time we've been given".

I have morte to say, but work beckons, I will wish you a happy Tuesday and a greater Happy Birthday to Bilbo and Frodo.

Happy Tuesday everyone

Obscure Lyric for the week of Sept.21/09

Good morning music fans . I have chosen something that I think you might know this week. Looks like crazy weather this week, all because I washed my car yesterday, sorry. You know it's called the day of rest for a reason. I find washing my car and listening to tunes very restful.

I remember when I heard this song for the first time. It was on a Friday night. Before we had kids, my beloved worked until 9:00 on Fridays and I would pick her up and rush home so I could watch "Miami Vice". There was so much amazing music on that show, and who couldn't like Crockett and Tubbs? And that car, what was it? Some kind of Ferrari?

So there I was today watching a movie and an ad for the origonal Miami Vice comes on and I remember this song.

Here are some lyrics:

The sailors and the pilots, the soldiers and the law

The pay offs and the rip offs and the things nobody saw

No matter if it's heroin, cocaine or hash

you've got to carry weapons, cause you always carry cash

Here is what I would like to know:

The name of the song:

The writer of the song:

Tubbs real name:

The name of the episode the song was used:

The name of the character played by the writer:

How does the episode end:

That's all for now, have a great week. Enjoy the rain, sun, heat and whatever else comes. After all it is Canada and it's still summer, right? I think fall starts this week. Tomorrow, a very special day in the world of Hobbits, just happens to be the first day of fall/autumn of 2009.

The big reveal for the week of Sept.14/09

Wow, it's late. I usually have this completed either on Thursday night or at least before I start on Friday mornings. Looks like things have been a tad too busy for me this week. No guessers this week again. Where are y'all? Maybe boredom has set in, maybe apathy or maybe just maybe I am choosing songs that are too hard. I will try to remedy that this coming week.

Here are your answers:

The name of the song: Foggy Mental Breakdown

The writer(s): John Kay, Larry Byrom

The name of the band: Creedence Clearwater Revival

Who played bass on this album: George Biondo

There are no live versions of the song available on YouTube, so I hope you enjoy this persons work.

Have a great weekend. We are travelling to see family to visit, catch up and just chill. On Sunday I begin a new journey when I commence teaching a class on marriage. I am so pumped for this as the marriage relationship is so very important and the lack of a good relationship within the marriage has done irreparable damage to many.

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity

Jimmy Carter is misled by all the President's Men

Jimmy Carter finally said what I was waiting to hear. he stated that the opposition to President Obama is because he is an African American. I knew someone would finally say this, they had to, it's their final card, pun completely intended, in this game. So sad, Mr Carter is just another pawn of this administration who so radically want to change that nation, without the will of the people.

I clearly believe that there very well may be people who do not agree with the current US President because of his skin colour, but this grass roots opposition has nothing to do with skin colour. What a small minded notion to call the opposition racism. The opposition is due to the lies, the continuing growth of government and their increased intrusions into the lives of Americans. These folks are offended by the Health Care Bill (with Planned Parenthood in every school as the nurses, giving direction for abortions to be paid for by tax money) as well as end of life panels. The Fairness Doctrine, although it will be named something else with its' attacks on freedom of speech is also offensive to many. Another issue is the continuous lies, yes I said "lies" from the person on top.


No, Mr Carter, it is not the skin colour of the President that people are opposing. It is his ever changing position and his lies. He lied to faith leaders in the conference call when he said that there would be no abortion in the "health care bill". The current "federal conscience laws" will no longer remain in place. The inclusion of abortion and the removal of the conscience laws are examples of direct lying or policy changes that affect his citizens. He hides behind semantics, but so did Mr Clinton, he of the "I did not have sexual relations with her" lie.


What an aberration of the truth, it is clearly a move by the Presidents men and women to distract the American people from their concerns. The people of this great nation are not stupid. They will continue to fight for what they believe in, after all, they are citizens (so clearly called by the President) of a republic who have fought before against another tyrant. This tyrant is home brewed and clearly is hell bent on the destruction of the constitution on which that great country was formed.


I am proud to have lived in this country for almost 40 years. There are times that I wish my family had moved 30 minutes south, then I would have the privilege to speak out against this man and his minions. I will do so from this side of the border as long as I am able.

Tuesday Musings # 52

Happy Tuesday Everyone

I have been doing this portion of the blog thing for 52 weeks, a year of musing. What drives me to do this weekly? I really don't know, I think that my obsessive nature (yeah I've noticed) has caused me to press on particularly on days when I thought I had nothing much to say. I guess that is the point, there is almost always something rattling around the cobweb recesses of my thought palace that want/need/have to come out and something causes them to erupt each Tuesday morning.

The insanity of the shortness of life boggles and amuses me. Teens think they are impervious to death and pain, and then they suffer their first broken heart. The 20 somethings think they have it all together and then they get married, mortgaged, loans up the wazoo and struggle to keep up with everyone else (including the Jones'). As this journey progresses, the 30's hit(I hated my 30's) and then the slide begins, before I realized it I (and the rest of us) was more than half way there. I don't expect to live to 100. Now that the threshold of fifty has been crossed I find myself dabbling with thoughts of death more often than before. I don't think it's morbid, you may though. It is going to happen, the reaper (love that song and I don't fear him) is waiting with his bony finger poised to point at all of us at some time. Why is the grim reaper considered a male figure anyway, what phylogynist or misandrist started that lie? Oops I'm going off course here.

It's what death brings that I think most of us might be afraid of. The cause is probably the biggest fear. I want to go like my friends father, in bed "playing cards" with my wife. But, I don't get to choose. I have been close before, I remember getting closer and fading further and then feeling tubes being drawn out of my throat and being told to breathe on my own. That's definitely fodder for another post when I have the strength to tell all, no there were no lights, I wasn't abducted by aliens and I didn't hear music, but I did see.........some things.

Then again, as a Christ follower, I am supposed to not fear death. Because I go down into the "valley of the shadow of death" I tread that path "not" like those who have no hope. We're not talking about hoping for the, Leafs are going to win a cup, kind of hope. This hope speaks more to a confident knowledge without a shadow of a doubt that I know where I am going when I pass towards the Grey Havens and off to heaven. And I do and I am not afraid. Some days I have even looked forward to it. But, short cuts make long delays, so I'm not about to hurry the dustification process for any reason.

One year had passed and what have I done to make things better for the human race (I can't say person race and I'm not apologizing). For some reason, my thoughts regularly come to that point. What have I done to help someone else grow, become better at what they do, or who they are? I hope(like the Leafs are going to win a cup) that a word, maybe two will cause you to stop. Then when you have pulled yourself together, either because of the laughter or even the tears, that you will say yes I can do something to make the life of someone else better and that regular challenge from Rob was the catalyst that started me on that road.

Happy Tuesday Everyone and Happy Anniversary too